I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
