I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
