Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
