Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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