At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
