sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
