I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
