i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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