i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
