I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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