Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
