I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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