so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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