Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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