..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Pappa wants mamma naked
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
