i was rollin on her like bob the builder
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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