how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
