I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
