Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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