Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
