his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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