As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
