so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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