Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
