shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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