My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
