After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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