We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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