I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
