sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
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You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
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It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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