My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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