My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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