bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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