At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
