It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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