Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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