That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
