How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so let's talk penis.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
