Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
