My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
