I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize