i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
