Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
