ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
