he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
