It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
