i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
is it fun? or sober?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
