JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
