in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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