watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
