My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
