"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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