so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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