I accidentally had phone sex last night
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
that's an acceptable place to lick
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
