Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
