Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
