how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i dont even know how to be here
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
