My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
