i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
