remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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