This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
