Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
