apparently the secret to your success is patron
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well I just put wine in my tea
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm too high and old for this...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
