grandma shit on top of the toilet
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
