Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
