You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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