Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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