so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
