i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
pray to the hookup gods
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
