i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
