I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
