did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
