I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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