Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
